Wednesday, September 11, 2013


I was up all night as usual,
Its a beautiful morning,
My eyes are red,
Is cold and wet, its raining.

I look at my note and sigh,
Its all planned and set,
I am going to end my life,
Life is as bad as it can get.

My life was and is a nightmare,
"Night"mare says it all,
It happened when I was awake,
Into a corner I could crawl.

A child though I was,
I knew it was wrong,
Was it my fault?
Nights were always very long.

I could not tell my anyone,
Would they believe me?
He was the "best" uncle,
He was, was he?

I grew older,
We left town,
I went to a new school,
In studies my sorrows I did drown.

I topped my school and college,
Not a night but I could sleep,
A few friends I had,
I would just crawl up and weep.

A touch, a hug, a pat on the back,
Decent though it were,
Petrified I was of contact,
My eyes start to blur.

My body was violated,
Used and dirty I feel,
I have never trusted anyone,
I don't think I can ever heal.

I would love to live,
To marry to have kids,
But the thought of my past,
To think ahead it forbids.

Now my parents want me to get married,
How long can I run?
I am in a quandary,
With my life I am done.

As I sit by the window,
I hear the door bell chime,
I open the door to my friend from childhood,
Only one who knows the past of mine.

You have suffered enough, she says,
Come with me right now,
I reluctantly follow,
She is going to help me?, don't know how.

She takes me to a counselor,
A nice woman, with a kind smile,
Things will change, I promise, she says,
Though it may take a while.

Be strong, its not your fault,
You are not alone, I ask you try,
Live for the people who love you,
I break down and cry.

The international theme for World Suicide Prevention Day 2013 is Stigma: a barrier to suicide prevention.

Please do take a look at the following link..It is a heart wrenching suicide note from a 27 year old Bill Zeller, who comitted suicide in july 2011.  I found this in an article published in the web site of Kids At Risk Action (KARA), a non-profit advocacy network focusing on issues related to neglected and abused children. A few words from his letter:
"People say suicide is selfish. I think it’s selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won’t feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it’s also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day"


  1. The poignant verse is written so beautifully. and there is hope at the end.

  2. Replies
    1. Please would be an honour...thank you :)

  3. Nicely penned. Nice flow of words.

  4. Profound lines. The evil which lurks among us is invisible to us as it is in the guise of something else.

    1. absolutely sunitha...its tough to live with it...its tough to let go. its just a horrible situation.

  5. Hey Preethi!
    This is a real 'touch' from the past.
    Feel terrible that such horrible things are part of many unfortunate kids' reality. It's a gross violation of trust. So upsetting.
    Life is for 'living'. Timely Counselling & Support can help prevent Suicides.

    Lines of a song from 3 Idiots-
    "Give Me Some Sunshine, Give Me Some Rain;
    Give Me Another Chance, I wanna grow up once again..."

    1. Empathy plays such a strong role in such situations. Affection and attention too.

  6. Wow. Preethi! Choice words woven that reveal yet not publicise still instilling hope and determination. Nice. Real nice.

  7. Child abuse is so common and you have beautifully penned it :-). Very nicely written

  8. you have penned it so beautifully !

  9. Live for the people who love you... What a wonderful way to prod someone to keep on living until one day she/he finds meaning in it for himself....
    Preethi.. you're getting better and better at this :)

  10. Loved this post of yours. Beautifully written. And filled with hope and empathy. :)

  11. Dear Preethi, your poem was tearing at my heart and I really could feel the pain that it evoked... how she would have lived the life of a recluse, how she would have flinched at the innocent touch of a good friend, how she would have quashed her own feelings of need, because what was supposed to be a beautiful discovery became dirtied. :(

    1. thanks for dropping by :) to live with a past one cannot disclose is very tough. unfortunately scars the person for life. :(

  12. I think my comment disappeared. :(
    Well written and aptly expressed the anguish of this girl..
    The poem tore at my heart.