A TOUCH FROM THE PAST

I was up all night as usual,
Its a beautiful morning,
My eyes are red,
Is cold and wet, its raining.

I look at my note and sigh,
Its all planned and set,
I am going to end my life,
Life is as bad as it can get.

My life was and is a nightmare,
"Night"mare says it all,
It happened when I was awake,
Into a corner I could crawl.

A child though I was,
I knew it was wrong,
Was it my fault?
Nights were always very long.

I could not tell my anyone,
Would they believe me?
He was the "best" uncle,
He was, was he?

I grew older,
We left town,
I went to a new school,
In studies my sorrows I did drown.

I topped my school and college,
Not a night but I could sleep,
A few friends I had,
I would just crawl up and weep.

A touch, a hug, a pat on the back,
Decent though it were,
Petrified I was of contact,
My eyes start to blur.

My body was violated,
Used and dirty I feel,
I have never trusted anyone,
I don't think I can ever heal.

I would love to live,
To marry to have kids,
But the thought of my past,
To think ahead it forbids.

Now my parents want me to get married,
How long can I run?
I am in a quandary,
With my life I am done.

As I sit by the window,
I hear the door bell chime,
I open the door to my friend from childhood,
Only one who knows the past of mine.

You have suffered enough, she says,
Come with me right now,
I reluctantly follow,
She is going to help me?, don't know how.

She takes me to a counselor,
A nice woman, with a kind smile,
Things will change, I promise, she says,
Though it may take a while.

Be strong, its not your fault,
You are not alone, I ask you try,
Live for the people who love you,
I break down and cry.

The international theme for World Suicide Prevention Day 2013 is Stigma: a barrier to suicide prevention.

Please do take a look at the following link..It is a heart wrenching suicide note from a 27 year old Bill Zeller, who comitted suicide in july 2011.  I found this in an article published in the web site of Kids At Risk Action (KARA), a non-profit advocacy network focusing on issues related to neglected and abused children. A few words from his letter: "People say suicide is selfish. I think it’s selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won’t feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it’s also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day"

http://www.invisiblechildren.org/2011/01/08/child-sex-abuse-the-most-powerful-suicide-note-ever/